


Gratitude

by LeoOtherLands



Series: All the Broken Pieces [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Light Bondage, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 00:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18954106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: Itachi has held on as long as possible, but, when he reaches his limits, he knows who to turn to easy his aches.





	Gratitude

**Author's Note:**

  * For [RussianWitch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RussianWitch/gifts), [XCLayMacionPoint](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XCLayMacionPoint/gifts), [Smileysama](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smileysama/gifts), [Danagirl623](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danagirl623/gifts).



> This little thing is for a few of my Discord loves in particular, and all of them in general. I curled up in our Pillowfort and asked for cuddles, because I felt unwell, and I got all the love. Followed by wonderful care in our new channel, as well. Thank you all. I can never say how much I appreciate you. This is quite literally a doodle I wrote so fast my hand still hurts. I hope you all don't mind the random, unexpected gift.
> 
> It is not love, if love is cold to touch.  
> It is not belief, when there's nothing there to trust.  
> Could not submit, would never bring myself to heel.  
> Determination grows, as each truth is revealed.
> 
> Torn and repaired, just to endure it all again.  
> Without a reason, for my place in all this pain.  
> Though well concealed, the scars they just compound.  
> Until there´s nothing left of what was once my former self.
> 
> My god, look at what we are now -  
> without regret for all the things that we have done.
> 
> Thank you for all the doubts, and for all the questioning  
> for all the loneliness and for all the suffering.  
> For all the emptiness, and the scars it left inside.  
> it inspired in me, an impetus to fight.  
> For the conviction, for the purpose found along.  
> For the strength and courage, that in me I've never known.  
> And if it seems to you, that my words are undeserved  
> I write this in gratitude for whatever good it serves.
> 
> [Gratitude - VNV Nation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFeHyWxuPcI)

“Wreck me. Please. You said you could.” I said the words on my knees, with my hands pressed into the dirt, fingers splayed. My face was caked with dirt. Grimy, smudged tear tracks marking my cheeks, like reverse tattoos.

Kakashi stood over me, a few meters off, feet planted square in the dirt. Though I’d just transported there all of a sudden, popping into his existence like some unwelcome spirit, the _jonin_ didn’t seem the least put out or surprised to find me there. He just stood with his hands tucked in his pockets and his face unreadable behind the cloth mask that left only his right eye visible.

“Itachi,” he said, shifting his weight to one side. “You’re in the wrong place.”

My fingers tightened on the ground, digging tracks in the loose soil. My eyes squeezed shut, as I thought my heart would constrict in my chest. “Don’t make me beg, Kakashi!”

It was almost a shout. Something I never did. Shout. No one listened when you shouted. What was the point?

“What if I do? What if I do just that?”

The words made my eyes snap open with a helpless grunt. His steps crunched over the dirt and forest litter. His posture, hands in pockets, disinterested, unchanged. When he reached me, his hands stroked over my hair, then gripped it tight at the top of my head. Making me wince, as my head was drawn up to better view his hidden face at an awkward angle.

“Then do it, captain. Just do it!”

I couldn’t imagine what I looked like. Dirty boy on the ground, hands torn up, blood still on my flak jacket and who knew where else. _There were so many._ Kami _, so many…_ I didn’t know what Hatake would do, but I just wanted it to start already.

He made a long, drawn-out, grumbly sound and stuck his hand back in his pocket, as he gave me his back and started walking away.

“Where are you going?!” I shifted to follow his movements, one hand reaching for him, the other trembling. Trembling? When had that started. Maybe that was why my voice was shaking.

“Home.” The word was droll. My heart sank. “If we’re going to do this, we’re going to do it proper.” Only to jolt in my chest. “Come on, Itachi. Or, have you changed your mind?”

I stood, still trembling. “I haven’t.”

A beckoning hand, lifted above his shoulder, was his only reply.

I followed, compliant, out of the woods and through the village, to Kakashi’s apartment in the Hatake compound. _No one around. No one to hear me scream…_

Kakashi’s house was neat and tidy and orderly, and I was amazed at my capacity to still notice such things. _You’re in shock!_ some part of me screamed. Numb and shaking and weightless and too damn hollow to feel anything, but still fucking able to pick up on cleaning habits. As if my mind was sharpened to a fine point.

“This way,” Kakashi said, and brought me to a small bedroom. I expected nothing less, but still, the idea of losing it to Kakashi Hatake wasn’t how I’d pictured the event.

A bitter laugh, half a sob, bubbled out of my throat. Kakashi glanced at me.

“Something funny?”

“No. I-”

He shoved me against the wall so suddenly I saw stars. If I hadn’t been wearing my headband, I would have had a bruise, at least. “We’re not here for funny,” he said above me, and, for the first time, I was acutely aware of how much taller he was than me. Then his chin came to rest on my head, and his hands pressed the wall to either side of me, so all that held me was his chest pushing at me. “Now, what to actually do with you,” he muttered.

“I asked you to wreck me.”

“I know.” Kakashi’s voice was utterly without sympathy. He pushed off the wall, taking me with him with a hand in my hair.

I was whipped around to face him, and I felt myself clench, preparing for a fight. An ingrained reflex born of years. Kakashi’s mostly covered expression was serene.

“You want to kneel?”

The words broke me, and I didn’t understand why. The tension coiled in me dropped out of me so fast I found myself weeping uncontrollably. Half blind and shuddering and empty, _so damn, fucking empty!_ , I tried shaking my head up and down, despite the fact my hair was still in Kakashi’s hold.

“Oh, _kami_ , yes.”

“Well that’s a start then.”

Kakashi released me and I about stumbled to comply.

“Not like that.”

I blinked, dizzy.

“Take off your clothes.”

I swallowed through a throat that had closed and reached with fumbling fingers to do as told. My weeping had quieted to silent, thick runnels down my face. My flak jacket thumped on the floor. My shoes kicked into a corner. My breath was hitching, as I pulled my shirt over my head. My head was spinning when I hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my pants.

Kakashi’s hand was hot on the center of my shoulder blades, pushing me down. “That’s enough.”

I looked around at him. Eyes blurry. Chest heaving.

“Leave the pants. Kneel.”

It was easy to do. Easier to let Kakashi’s dancing fingers grip my arms and lace them behind my back, wrist to elbow. The ropes burned and cut at me, but they were a relief. When Kakashi let me go to circle around in front of me, I felt light.

_Don’t have to hang on. Just let go…_

Kakashi made another long, drawn-out sound, looking down at me.

“Well, you’re a sight, Itachi. All tied up on my floor. Asking me to wreck you. You’d let me use you however I wanted, wouldn’t you?”

Fresh flow of tears gliding down my cheeks. “What should I do?”

The man reached out a hand and shoved two fingers up against my forehead. Seeming to bore into me. “Talk to me.”

“T-talk?”

“Start with how long you’ve been feeling this way.”

I reeled with the demand. Unexpected. _Hurt me, Kakashi._ Where was the promised pain?

“I don’t know.”

The fingers pressed harder. “Don’t play with me.”

I shivered. “Six months, two weeks, five days. E-eleven hours.”

“Not that you’ve been counting. Now talk. Tell me every reason you want me to leave marks on that pretty skin.”

“I-”

“Tell me a story, boy.”

My eyes closed and I leaned into him. Into those pressing, insistent fingers. And I did. The words tumbled out in a rushed flow and Kakashi’s other hand was in my hair, tugging at it. Bleeding hot shots of pain through it all at just the right moments, until it was all out, and I had wasted all my tears and I felt washed out. _Noting left._ Kami _, I’ve got nothing left._

“That it, huh?” Kakashi’s hand in my hair tightened. He yanked my head around and toward him and I expected to see his pants open. Expected to take something into my mouth and choke. Wasn’t that what people did? _Isn’t it why I’m on my knees in front of you, Hatake?_

But my face was crushed against his stomach and his arm dropped over my shoulders in, a hug?

A breath huffed out of me. What was this?

“Right.”

Kakashi’s hand slapped hard across my back, making me gasp. Then he was gripping me by the arm and hauling me up. Actions rough enough to make me cry out.

My head rocked back, and I found myself looking up at him. So sure behind his mask.

“Get on the bed.”

My heart thumbed and my head spun, but I did as told. Awkwardly maneuvering unto the softness. Kakashi wrapped his hand around the back of my neck and slammed my face into the pillows. I struggled a little, then went limp.

_Now for the pain…_

“Don’t move. You asked for this.”

His weight slid to my butt and thighs, as he reached for something in a dresser drawer. I tried to stay still but could not help seeing what was in his hand when he drew it back. A quirt whip. Rigid leather handle wrapped in braded thongs, which split down to a forked tail. It was small, but wicked looking.

My breathing went heavy. Kakashi noted it. He jerked my ponytail hard.

“Ten lashes. Stay still.”

The first crack had me squirming. Not so much from the pain, I’d felt worse, but from… From…

I was crying again, dry crying, and I just let it go, just let it be, just gave in until there was nothing left. Flecks over my shoulders. Across my tail bone. Over my back. Each a release.

I was staring, blank, when Kakashi finished and tapped me with the handle.

“We’re done.”

“W-what?”

He slid away, hand gliding over my marked skin. Making me shiver. I’d have coloring, but nothing terrible.

“I said, we’re done.”

“But-”

The whip handle took me under the chin, tilting my head to his. “Itachi. You want me to wreck you, I will. But I’m not going to take you apart. You needed an out, and I gave it to you. Now let it rest. We can do this again, if you need it. Or, other things, if you need that too.” He sighed. “But, not all at once. Okay?”

I felt my eyes prick. Stinging with dry tears because I was so fucking thirsty and beyond myself. “Okay.”

“Okay.”

Kakashi set the whip down. He gently undid the ropes binding my arms and massaged them until the feeling came back. He brushed a hand through my hair. Considered, and took out my hair tie to spread my long tresses over my bare shoulders. Sighed again.

“Right. Stay here.”

He left, but not for long. When he came back, his face was bare, and his shirt was off. He had a glass of water in one hand and something wrapped in foil in the other. The older man sat by me and held the glass to my lips.

“Drink up.”

I did, but it took me a moment. I had never seen my captain’s face unmasked before. When I managed it, Kakashi unwrapped the foil and broke off a bit of what was inside.

“Chocolate. Open up. You need to get your endorphins flowing.”

I blinked but obeyed. Only just realizing I wasn’t about to have sex with the man beside me.

“Kakashi?”

“Hum?”

He tapped my lips with another square of chocolate when I didn’t answer. I took it in, let it melt on my tongue. Swallowed.

“What happens now?”

“Now.”

He set aside the rest of the chocolate by the whip. Then he was crawling into the bed beside me. My heart turned over, but he made no move to touch me. Only to reach out.

“Let me hold you, Itachi.”

With a sob, I curled into his arms, pressing my stinging, smarting back to his cool chest. Kakashi sighed, yet again, and rested his chin on the crown of my head, arms clasped around my chest.

“Now, you’re going to hold still and rest. No thinking of missions or blood or dead enemies. No family or pain or responsibility. Only this. Can you do that for me, Uchiha?”

I choked on a sob and nodded against him. “Yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am an original fiction author and fan fiction writer who literally lives for comments, even if they are nothing but inarticulate vowel screams. Please give me comments people! I will literally beg for them!
> 
> This salty ball of words exists on a flotilla of social media. Feel free to friend me on Discord at LeoOtherland#7066,
> 
> Find me on Facebook on my [author page](https://www.facebook.com/LeoOtherland/) for all things original fiction, or in the [AO3 Armada group](https://www.facebook.com/groups/601270063618951) for all things fan fiction,
> 
> Or follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/RoseOfOtherLand) or [Tumbler](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/leootherlands)
> 
> I seldom post and/or tweet anything, but if you want to drop me a line, I am always up for a chat.


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